PS

Please visit Dave’s page.  He is a great writer and has lots of insights I am sure you will enjoy.  His blog is entitled “How to Have Great Self Confidence”  Don’t we all want that? 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

PS I will not be tagging any other blogs this time.  Honestly it is too much work for me.  I am being lazy.  I have another also reason that I will reveal in another post. 

“Self Esteem”

  Be careful what you wish for or ask for, you may get it.  Well I asked for comments and I got one that is a doozie. 

I got a question, “What is self esteem?”

What a question.  There have been times I have had discussions with my friends.  Eventually there would be a comment by one of them (never me) that “They do not have self esteem.”  I have learned when to keep my mouth shut so I never asked what they meant by the comment, “They do not have self esteem or they have low self esteem.”  The reason I kept my mouth shut was because I did not think they actually knew what that meant.

It seems to be one of those phrases that people like to say and that sounds good. 

So what do I think self esteem is?  For me it means accepting yourself.  So what does accepting yourself mean? 

Accepting yourself means you are in contact with yourself.  Here is a simple example.  I was taking a quiz with my daughter.  One of the questions was, “Do you touch people?”  I answered no.  My daughter said that was not true.  My answer to hear to her was to tap her and say, “No I don’t.” 

Then we laughed because I realized what she said was true and my answer was false.  But I really, truly did not know that.  I did not argue with her nor resist the truth.  I do touch people and I accepted that easily about myself. 

To me that is an example of self esteem.  Finding out about yourself and accepting what is true. 

Now just because something is true does not mean you can not change it if you choose.  However, I think if you want to pursue that path you will find your self esteem dwindling.  Why?  Because you are taking on a challenge you may or may not be able to accomplish.

Why not accept the fact that you will not be perfect?  Why not consider the idea that you have your assets and that is where you can excel?  Instead of changing what you are dissatisfied with why not review this?  You can get some insight and see if you can tame these traits.  Maybe make a slight adjustment.  Maybe just recognize that you do have these traits that you are not enthralled with. 

Instead of changing what you don’t like why not focus on what assets you have and develop them?  For me that would be a way to increase your self esteem.  Once you have an asset you can expand on it. 

I like the expression, “Good, better, best.  Make the good your better and make the better your best.”

To me self esteem means know what you have.  Work it to your advantage.  Appreciate it. 

Self esteem also means you know you have a choice how to act and behave.  You know you can always chose to be your personal best.  You know you can always choose the high road.  You also know that sometimes you will stumble.  Know yourself and accept that and pick yourself up and get back on your path. 

Review what you are displeased with.  Give it some thought.  Even if you feel it is taking over your life you can still focus on what you have and let that take over your life instead.  Why not take the path of least resistance?  Why not be a better you not a new revamped you? 

You do not have to believe me. Think back to when you tried to correct and change what you considered a defect or flaw.  How did that go?  How did it make you feel?  And how long did the correction last, if you actually got that far? 

Now think about when you started from a point of strength with an asset that you worked on.  The best example is to consider athletes.  They improve their performance.  They work on what they are strong at.  Of course they attempt to get past their weaknesses but any coach will tell you that the effort goes in where they are strong.  You put your effort where you will get the maximum results. 

The second part to self esteem is to accept others.  If you can not transform yourself why would you think you could transform someone else?  See people for what they are.  Imperfect just like you.  That creates a connection.  Look at people’s strengths instead of their weaknesses.  Connect with people on a level of acceptance not judgement. 

Self esteem also includes going with your instincts.  This is the intuitive way you connect with yourself and others.  If something does not feel right accept that. 

Self esteem and confidence seem to be intertwined.  They both come from the same place.  Know yourself, accept yourself, appreciate yourself, and focus on your assets.  Use the same definition when you are interacting with other people. 

Make a connection with yourself and others.  Respect what is true.  Keep an open mind.  Act responsibly.  If you can live your life in this fashion you will experience self esteem.  Also remember you are imperfect so at times you will not be in this state of grace.  That is fine as long as you are aware of this and get back to striving for this. 

This is what “self esteem” means to me.  I would love to hear what you think.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Success

  I found some varied quotes on success.  Many people are quoted here from all walks of life.  Take a look at these quotes and see if they challenge, clarify or change your idea of success.
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The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.
     –Vince Lambardi

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Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.
     -Abraham Lincoln

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What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
     –Albert Pike

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The secret of joy in work is contained in one word — excellence.  To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.
     -Pearl S. Buck

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Successful: coming about, taking place or turning out as hoped for.
     -Webster’s

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Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
     -Winston Churchill

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Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
     – General George Patton

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It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.
     – Seneca

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The entrepreneur is essentially a visualizer and actualizer… He can visualize something, and when he visualizes it he sees exactly how to make it happen.
     – Robert L. Schwartz

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According to aerodynamic laws,  the bumblebee cannot fly.  Its body weight is not the right proportion to its wingspan.  Ignoring these laws, the bee flies anyway.
     – M. Sainte-Lague

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Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
     – Helen Keller

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You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.
     – Henry Ford

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Hard work spotlights the character of people:  some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.
     – Sam Ewig

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The art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of our great men.
     – Captain J.A. Hatfield

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Success will not lower its standard to us.  We must raise our standard to success.
     – Rev. Randall R. McBride, Jr.

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It’s never too late to be who you might have been.
     – George Elliot

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Talk does not cook rice.
     – Chinese Proverb

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Rule your mind or it will rule you.
     – Horace

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It is when the well is dry that we know the price of water.
     – Ben Franklin

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Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.
     – George Halas

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Attach yourself to your passion, but not to your pain.  Adversity is your best friend on the path to success.
     – unknown

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A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.
     – Sidney Greenberg

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As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.
     – Paul Shane Spear

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To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no else has seen.
     – unknown

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A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.
     – Richard Nixon

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Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.
     – Colin Powell

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I am more afraid of an army of 100 sheep led by a lion than an army of 100 lions led by a sheep.
     – Talleyrand

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The mind is like a parachute – it works only when it is open.
     – Unknown

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Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.
     – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I can not do everything, but I can do something.  I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
     – Helen Keller

Try not to be a man of success, but rather to be a man of value.
     – Albert Einstein

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Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
     – Norman R. Augustine

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Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can.
     – Henry Drummond

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They may forget what you said, but they will never forget  how you make them feel.
     – Carol Buchner

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Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
     – Norman R. Augustine

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Footprints on the sands of time are not made by sitting down.
     – unknown

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Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength.
     – Henry Ward Beecher

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A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
     – Arthur Golden

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Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
     – Samuel Johnson

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Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
     – Theodore Roosevelt

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Prosperity doth best discover vice, but adversity doth best discover virtue.
     – Francis Bacon

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The world can only be grasped by action, not by contemplation…The hand is the cutting edge of the mind.
     – Jacob Bronowski

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It is time for us to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever, the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it.
     – Vince Lombardi

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One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.
     – Marie Currie

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Any coward can fight a battle when he’s sure of winning; but give me the man who has the pluck to fight when he’s sure of losing.
     – George Eliot

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Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
     – Thomas Edison

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A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.
     – John C. Maxwell

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The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.
     – William James

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.               
     – Henry Ford

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After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.
     – Italian Proverb

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Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
     – Abraham Lincoln

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What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?
     – Robert Schuller

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We never know how far reaching something we may think, say or do today will affect the lives of millions tomorrow.
     – B.J. Palmer

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The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
     – Confucius

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What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside you.
     – Wayne Dyer

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Empowerment is all about letting go so that others can get going.
     – Kenneth Blanchard

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Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.
      – Malcolm Forbes

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Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
     – Cherie Carter-Scott

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Not every successful man is a good father.  But every good father is a successful man.
     – R. Duvall

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I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.
     – Mario Cuomo

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The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal.  The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
     – Benjamin Mays

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Victory belongs to the most persevering.
     – Napoleon

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If you are to be, you must begin by assuming responsibility.  You alone are responsible for every moment of your life, for every one of your acts.
     – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, tenacity.  We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way.  We can never let up.
     – Ralph Bunche

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I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.
     – Christopher Reeve

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Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
     – Anonymous

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The real contest is always between what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing.  You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else.
     – Geoffrey Gaberino

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Success is never final. Failure is never fatal.  Courage is what counts.
     –Sir Winston Churchill

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Visit here to succeed.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

What do Other People Say About You

 

Do you wonder what other people say about you?  Do you wonder what other people think about you?  Do you really want to know?

This is a common compulsion.  I call it a compulsion because no good will really come from it.  It is one of those deceptive questions that can occupy your mind.  It is one of those questions that does not need to asked.  The real question you should be asking is, “What do you think about yourself?”

Suppose you could find out what someone is saying about you.  Maybe it is complimentary.  That will probably make you feel happy for a minute.  It will not impact your life.  It will not be earth shattering. 

Suppose someone said some negative things about you.  That will probably get a more intense reaction.  You will probably want to correct them.  You will want to defend yourself.  You will have a judgement about how wrong and ignorant the other person is.  You may feel hurt, angry, insulted.  You may even agree with them and get down on yourself.  It could alter your relationship with them and others.  And they could be off base.

Should someone’s perception and opinion of you matter?  I would say the answer to that would depend on how you react to this information.  If you can step a back and look at it objectively then perhaps you can get some insight.  If you are going to react and freak out then better you do not know.  There will be no value to you hearing this info.  It will put you on an emotional roller coaster.

So what do you say about yourself?  What do you think about yourself?  This is a deep question.  Perhaps you have pondered it.  Perhaps you have conditioned yourself to think poorly about yourself.  Perhaps you are riddled with negativity.  Perhaps you do not measure up to your own standards. 

Is your perception and opinion accurate?  Most likely not yet you live your life as it it were true.  Can you be objective about yourself?  Probably not. 

So how do you get in touch with yourself, the real you? 

The first way is to add some positive feedback to your conversations with yourself.  If you can do that it will open a door to seeing yourself differently.

You need to start to weed out the untruths.  These are things that you automatically think about yourself.  An automatic thought is an unexamined thought.  They can be positive or negative thoughts.  Once they become automatic they are misleading thoughts. 

You need to re create the image you have of yourself.  Once you can examine the automatic thoughts you will start to see the image you have created of yourself.  You need to let go of that image and start to put a new one in its place. 

This new image will be one that is rich in complexities.  If you can define yourself in four words you are missing out on a big part of yourself. 

To learn more about this and to learn how to do this in minimal time please check this out.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Honesty

   Am I too honest when I tell you that I have a great product that will help you?

Am I too honest when I tell you to buy that product? 

Can you be “too honest?”

I do not believe that you can be “too honest.”  You have to ask for what you  want.  You have to ask clearly and directly.

Is that being blunt? Perhaps but it is also being straightforward and clear.  If you beat around the bush then you can be misunderstood.   You can  be considered wishy washy, weak, meek, a pushover.  Which is worse?  To be misunderstood and be thought of as wishy washy, weak, meek, a pushover or to be understood and thought of as blunt, straightforward and clear?  I think you know the answer.  

Let’s be clear.  Asking for what you want is not insulting someone.  It is about you and your wants and needs.  Asking for what you want clearly and direclty is an affirmative statement. 

You may not get what you want but if you ask for it you will know where you stand.  It is always better to know where you stand.

If the place you are employed at has no intention in the near future of giving you what you want you can make an educated choice.  Stay or go.  You now have control of your life.  You now have the information to make a decision. 

If you are reticient then you are afraid of what you will find out.  Why?  The truth will not change because you do not seek it. 

So ask for what you want.  Be honest.  Be clear.  Be straightforward.

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Get What You Want Out of Life

 

Do you get what you want out of life?  I have been thinking about this a lot.  How do you get what you want out of life?  I have also been thinking about this a lot.

I have been observing people regarding this topic.  My final conclusion and observation is that you will and can not get what you want out of life is you make improper decisions/choices. 

Improper decisions/choices will affect you and there will be consequences.  When you make an improper decision/choice it can certainly look like the consequences were out of your control.  And they are once you make the wrong choice/decision. 

Here is an example of what I am talking.  Life is going good for you.  You are enjoying yourself.  Perhaps life was tough for a awhile so now you are relaxing and enjoying the peace, happiness and relaxation you are experiencing.  A decision/choice is coming up.  You are in the “happy things are good mode.”   You do not pay the proper attention to the upcoming decision.  Maybe you are careless.  Maybe you are in an upbeat mood.  Whatever the reason you slack off.  You do not put the thought and detail into the upcoming decision/choice. 

You decide or choose poorly.  Boom. Things happen that you do not want to happen.  All of a sudden your happy, gay mood is over.  You are now dealing with new issues and problems.  What happened? 

You made a mistake.  But you do not see it like that.  How you see it is you got screwed.  And maybe you did.  But could you have prevented it if you had made a different decision/choice.  Probably yes. 

Here is another example.  Your life is in the toilet.  You are up against the wall.  You have to do something.  You make your decision/choice out of desperation or the only thing you think can do.  Your choices are limited.  But how did it come to this?  How did you get to this point of desperation?  Probably from past decisions/choices that you made. 

Now you can see the harm and danger to you from improper decisions/choices. 

So how do you stop the cycle?  You protect yourself.  You find out all the information.  You ask questions.  You forget about looking silly by asking questions.  You ask away to protect yourself and get the information you need to make the best decisions/choices.  You do not make a decision/choice if you are not comfortable with it. 

You take your time in deciding/choosing.  You do not procrastinate.  You apply thought and care to your decision/choice. 

Once you make your decision/choice there is another step involved.  If the outcome does not turn out as you expected you have to take a step back.  You need to step back without emotion and negative judgement of yourself. 

Once you do this you review objectively.  Subjective review is not the way to go.  Objective review means you look at your decision/choice based on the facts and information you used. 

Was the information misleading?  Did you misinterpret the information?  Did you use the information and make your decision/choice counting on an outcome that the information did not actually support?  In other words were you hoping things would turn out the way you wanted them to? 

This can happen and the way to avoid it is to be objective.  Decide/choose based on only what you know to be true not what might happen.  By doing this you will narrow down your choices.

Did the information confuse you to the point that it was not helpful?  If this happens try to talk it over with someone.  Try to clarify the information.  Sort the facts out.  Get to the bottom line.  Eliminate extraneous information.  Get clear on what will actually happen and what may happen.  If you are still uncertain consider the worst consequences possible based on the possible decisions/choices you can make.  Eliminate the decisions/choices with these dangerous consequences. Decide/choose the one with the least harmful consequences. 

Take responsibility for your decisions/choices.  Taking reponsibility means that “you made the decision/choice.”  Taking repsonsibility does not mean blaming yourself or someone else for the outcome.  Taking reponsibility means that you did what you did.  The decision/choice was yours. 

Once you do this you will notice that life becomes lighter and easier even if the outcome was not what you expected.  Once you take reponsibilty you know that you are in control of your life.  You know that when you made a decision/choice that turned out the way you expected it to you gain confidence.  You also know that when the decision/choice did not turn out the way you expected you have the confidence to go from there. 

As long as you acknowledge and recognize your input you can learn and change from it.  You must own your decisions/choices.  They must be yours and come from you.

Perhaps you made the best decision/choice and it still did not turn out how you wanted.  Let it go.  You can not predict the future.  See if there were past decisions/choices that got you to this place.  See how you can avoid, in the future, getting to a place where even the best decision/choice will not turn out the way you want. 

Decision/choices lead to more decisions/choices.  The best way to break the cycle of harmful decisions/ choices is to start now.  Clean up what happened in the past and start fresh now. 

Your clean up will be messy.  That is to be expected.  Once you get that tackled and you can start on your new mind set you will notice that there will be less and less clean up. 

You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will protect you.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will benefit you.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will help you gain confidence.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will help you take responsibility for your life.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will get you what you want in life. 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

5 Blogs I Tagged

I did It.  I found 5 blogs to tag.  This was work for me.  I think these are blogs that are tag worthy.

http://life-wealth.blogspot.com

http://lifelearningtoday.com/

http://confident1.com

http://www.jeffneil.com/selfimprovement/

http://www.unconditionalconfidence.com/blog.html

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Don’t Cheat Yourself

 

Keep Swimming
  by: Author Unknown 
 
Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl.
One was an optimistic soul.
But the other took the gloomy view.
“We’ll drown,” he lamented without much ado,
and with a last despairing cry,
he flung up his legs and said “Goodbye.”

Quote the other frog with a steadfast grin,
“I can’t get out but I won’t give in,
I’ll just swim around till my strength is spent,
then I’ll die the more content.”
Bravely he swam to work his scheme,
and his struggles began to churn the cream.

The more he swam, his legs a flutter,
the more the cream turned into butter.
On top of the butter at last he stopped,
and out of the bowl he gaily hopped.

What is the moral? It’s easily found…
If you can’t hop out, keep swimming around!

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Which frog are you?  Are your persistent or do you give up.  It is easy to give up.  Life is tough.  You have tried. 

I know you want a change.  To get moving on this change you need to know how.  Why cheat yourself out of learning how?  Start now.  Learn how here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Only you know the ANSWER

   CONFIDENCE, SELF IMPROVEMENT, SELF ESTEEM???????

What does this all mean? 

Overheard at a here’s to your success (rah, rah) meeting

“He has self esteem but he lacks confidence.”

“She is working on self improvement.  Why is she doing that when she already has confidence?”

“I want more self esteem.”

Pretty confusing.  Does this make sense to you?

If you want confidence, self esteem and self improvement you have to know what these words mean……. for you.  Other people’s definitions are not important.  Your definition and meaning is what is important. 

So do you really, truly, actually have a definition and meaning of these words for yourself?  If you are now sitting here saying to yourself, “DO I?”  then perhaps that is a clue that you just jumped on the bandwagon.  You jumped on this bandwagon because it sounded good.  You jumped on the bandwagon because you want your life to be better.  You jumped on the bandwagon because YOU want to be better.  But better how???   Better why???  Better where???

This is the root of your discontent and failing.  Yes, you started your self improvement, self esteem, confidence campaign.  It went nowhere.  You worked hard.  You studied, meditated, practiced and struggled.  And you got nowhere except more frustrated, more depressed, more irritated, more discouraged. 

So can this work for you?  YES, YES, YES but……..first you have to know what this means for you and what you really want and why. 

How do you get somewhere if you do not know why you want to go there?  How do you get somewhere if you do not know how to get there?  

Of course I can not answer these questions for you.  You already know the answers.   It is just that no one informed you that this is step one to a better you. 

Start from the beginning.  You have this week end to get going.  Visit here and take a look at what you need. 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

Why Do You Buy Things

For the past few days I have been introducing you to products that you can buy.  My info is free, genuine and honest.  But if you want the products you will have to use money to get them. 

It is up to you if you think they will be of benefit to you.  I think they will but you are the final decider. 

If you have not purchased any of these products I think there may be a reason why you haven’t. 

I think this reason is that you think these products are not for you.  That is a broad statement but I think it is an accurate statement.  I also think that it is the tip of the ice burg.  I think it all comes down to what is your relationship with money and confidence? 

I don’t know what you spend your money on.  Maybe you are not totally clear about that either.  Yes you buy clothes but why?  I am sure you buy clothes with an ulterior motive.  You want to look a certain way.  You want to impress people.  You want to be appropriate.  If you think about this you can probably add some other reasons.  It is rare that anyone buys clothes so they will not be naked.  So you expect something to happen when you buy clothes.  You expect to become what you want people to believe you are.  You want to present an image.  That is important to you.  And that is fine. 

But what about investing in yourself?  What about purchasing something that is perpetual?  Kind of like the expression “give someone a fish and they eat for a day; teach someone how to fish and they eat for life.”

Does that expression ring true for you or do you think it is just hype?  If you trained yourself for any occupation then I know you do believe in that expression.  Perhaps you have become cynical because what you trained for only took you so far.  The expression still holds true.  You just need to train for something else now.  Something bigger.  Something that you can use your own skills, resources and talents for. 

That is wwy I am telling you about these products.  So you can train for something bigger.  Instant satisfaction is great but it does not last.  Why not put your efforts into something that will last? 

Don’t give up your fun stuff that is meaningful to you.  Just expand what what you purchase to enrich yourself.  See how it feels to purchase something that does not give you immediate gratification.  See what it feels like to purchase something that can teach you something that you can implement. 

Challenge yourself and see what happens.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS If you are ready to challenge yourself take a gander at my links.