The Self Improvement Toolshop

tools to make you a better you

What do Other People Say About You


Do you wonder what other people say about you?  Do you wonder what other people think about you?  Do you really want to know?

This is a common compulsion.  I call it a compulsion because no good will really come from it.  It is one of those deceptive questions that can occupy your mind.  It is one of those questions that does not need to asked.  The real question you should be asking is, “What do you think about yourself?”

Suppose you could find out what someone is saying about you.  Maybe it is complimentary.  That will probably make you feel happy for a minute.  It will not impact your life.  It will not be earth shattering. 

Suppose someone said some negative things about you.  That will probably get a more intense reaction.  You will probably want to correct them.  You will want to defend yourself.  You will have a judgement about how wrong and ignorant the other person is.  You may feel hurt, angry, insulted.  You may even agree with them and get down on yourself.  It could alter your relationship with them and others.  And they could be off base.

Should someone’s perception and opinion of you matter?  I would say the answer to that would depend on how you react to this information.  If you can step a back and look at it objectively then perhaps you can get some insight.  If you are going to react and freak out then better you do not know.  There will be no value to you hearing this info.  It will put you on an emotional roller coaster.

So what do you say about yourself?  What do you think about yourself?  This is a deep question.  Perhaps you have pondered it.  Perhaps you have conditioned yourself to think poorly about yourself.  Perhaps you are riddled with negativity.  Perhaps you do not measure up to your own standards. 

Is your perception and opinion accurate?  Most likely not yet you live your life as it it were true.  Can you be objective about yourself?  Probably not. 

So how do you get in touch with yourself, the real you? 

The first way is to add some positive feedback to your conversations with yourself.  If you can do that it will open a door to seeing yourself differently.

You need to start to weed out the untruths.  These are things that you automatically think about yourself.  An automatic thought is an unexamined thought.  They can be positive or negative thoughts.  Once they become automatic they are misleading thoughts. 

You need to re create the image you have of yourself.  Once you can examine the automatic thoughts you will start to see the image you have created of yourself.  You need to let go of that image and start to put a new one in its place. 

This new image will be one that is rich in complexities.  If you can define yourself in four words you are missing out on a big part of yourself. 

To learn more about this and to learn how to do this in minimal time please check this out.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach


May 16, 2007 - Posted by | assets, change, choice, confidence, knowledge, self improvement


  1. Marcia,

    I agree with you but not totally.

    I believe in self-confidence but not in a vaccum. Just telling yourself that you are perfect and anyone who says differently is wrong is living a delusion. It is really key to understand what other people think of you. This shouldn’t change your self image or esteem but it is really important to be aware of other people’s perceptions. Sometimes the image you think you are projecting is very different from what people perceive as I just found out when I asked my friends for anonymous feedback at Some of it was hard to take but to be honest it helped clear things up for me

    Comment by AJ | June 2, 2007 | Reply

  2. I believe in what you wrote.

    Too many people go through life worrying about what others think or say.

    I live with one slogan: Live your life and do onto others as you would like them to do onto you.

    If you do good, good things will come back to you, and it isn’t imporatnt if someone talks bad about you, I believe that is more power to you, just don’t join that band wagon and go talking bad about anyone who talk bad about you.

    Live life like it’s your last day, and enjoy each and every day. Smile more and be thankful for life.

    Comment by Alexander Marlin | December 7, 2007 | Reply

  3. thank you for your thoughts. there is a balance between knowing yourself and knowing your ego. knowing yourself is who you are unique in some ways and imperfect in others. sometimes other people can enlighten you but you must carefully weigh what they are truly telling you.

    i agree that you must stay righteous and avoid petty stuff and avoid reacting out of your lower behaviors. you must always strive to be your personal best. gossip is never your personal best. bickering is also not your personal best. you must strive to live up to the idesls and morals you expect from yourself.

    and you need to treat others with respect. how you treat others is a reflection of yourself.

    thanks again for reminding us of that.

    Comment by marcia siegel | December 7, 2007 | Reply

  4. I love your site!

    Experiencing a slow PC recently? Fix it now!

    Comment by Michael Tim | February 28, 2009 | Reply

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