The Self Improvement Toolshop

tools to make you a better you

PS

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Please visit Dave’s page.  He is a great writer and has lots of insights I am sure you will enjoy.  His blog is entitled “How to Have Great Self Confidence”  Don’t we all want that? 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

PS I will not be tagging any other blogs this time.  Honestly it is too much work for me.  I am being lazy.  I have another also reason that I will reveal in another post. 

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May 23, 2007 Posted by | confidence, self improvement, success | 6 Comments

Are you in the Habit…

scan001323.jpg  Well I got tagged again.  The good thing is that the question is something that I know you will want to read about.  It is a question about habits.  We all have them.   We are usually not that conscious of them until they hit us in the face.  So here is the question and subject provided by Dave.

 “if you wanted to improve your life by changing a habit – how would you set about it?”

Another question that taxes my brain. 

What habit do you want to change?  Do you think that the change will improve your life? 

First you must identify one habit.  Next you must decide how important it is to change that habit.  This is not as easy as it sounds.  You must give this one thought because you have probably lived with this habit for most of your life.  You may have cursed this habit yet there it is popping up just when you do not want to deal with it.

You may even be comfortable with this habit in as much as you dislike it.  If you are choosing one you have been unable to get rid of after many attempts then pick another one.  The one you can not control has become too embedded in your life to tackle at this point.  Try to pick one that is newer and that you have not tackled.

Getting rid of  a habit is tough.  It is a struggle.  My personal technique to change a habit may sound odd but I know it works.  I have used this technique and I am amazed at the results I got.  I know other people have also used this technique and it worked for them also.

The approach involves analysis.  The approach involves really looking at this habit and becoming and being aware of it.  Most habits are unconscious.  You just engage in them without much thought.  They are automatic.

You can change/eradicate a habit that is so automatic that you can barely control yourself.  The reason you can barely control yourself is because this is the only way you know how to react.  You can rack your brain for a new reaction but none come.  You are stuck.

That is another tip/insight about habits.  You are stuck with your habit.   You feel justified in reacting a certain way.  This is a habit you are stuck with.  So how do you get unstuck? 

Back to analysis.  First review what benefit this habit gives you.  Yes, habits you do not like have a secret benefit.  The benefit is not really a benefit but you see it as one in your warped thinking process.  Maybe you feel right about and with this habit.  Feeling right and justified is a strong motivator for a habit.

Here comes the example.  My friend, Julia has a husband that she is not too enchanted with.  The habit she is stuck in is sizing up her husband.  A habit does originate with a thought. 

Of course he does not size up well.  Due to this repeated habit/thought  she really can not see her husband in any light other than “bummy.”  Why?  Because she feels she is right and justified in her thinking.  Of course there is probably some truth in her thinking but most of it is false, stuck thinking.

Why?  Just because he was “bummy” at one time or in an area does not mean he is totally “bummy” and still being “bummy”  But Julia can not see this because she got into the habit of seeing her husband as “bummy.”  That is it.

Any time we discuss this she is closed minded.  She can not break the habit of seeing her husband as “bummy.”   Any time he does something Julia does not like her habit of seeing her husband as “bummy” is reinforced.  She is actually reinforcing her habit.  She would rather be right than open minded. 

She is now in dire need of reinforcement from herself to feel right about the habit of viewing her husband as “bummy.” 

She is stuck.  Without opening her mind she will be like this for life.  This will be a lifelong habit.  This could be you.

This is why it is important to analyze the habit you have chosen.  Julia gets a big secret benefit form this habit.  She is right, she is good and she is better than her husband.  The joke is how much better is she if she is comparing herself to a “bum?'”  She has probably never thought about that.  She is not conscious and she is on automatic.  She is acting out of habit.

Suppose Julia got conscious, aware and she analyzed this habit.  She would realize that her husband is not “bummy” 24/7. Once that happens she may review any time she resorts back to thinking her husband  is “bummy” .  She will stop herself and ask, “Is this really an indication of “bummy”?”  Next she will begin to think she is overreacting.  Yes we do overact to habits.  That also reinforces them. 

Once she has decided that she is overreacting she may go back and think about other times she may have overreacted.  Then comes the concept of giving up this automatic thinking.  This is the action and concept of pausing and thinking before she reacts.  Now she is on the path to breaking this habit. 

Pausing and thinking before reacting.  What a novel thought.  Yet we all do it and do not even think about it much.  Pausing and thinking can also be a habit. One you want to keep and do more of.  When we pause and think we are conscious.  We are sane.  When we react we are not sane. 

So now Julia is joining the conscious and sane.  She is aware.  She is pausing and thinking.  She is no longer reacting.  Major progress.

From this point on it is easy to control the habit.  You understand the habit.  You know you do it.  You stop reinforcing it.  You become enlightened.  You become aware of yourself and your automatic thought process that leads you to jump to conclusions.  You are freeing yourself from a habit that does not benefit you except in a convoluted way.  You are sane. 

I know this is not the “traditional” method for changing/breaking a habit.  I also know that you have probably tried a number of techniques to break/change a habit. 

I use the word break because I know that word is appealing.  Yet the truth is you do not break or eradicate a habit.  You replace it with one that is helpful and beneficial.  You get into a new habit that serves you.  If you view your self improvement this way you will find it easier to change/replace a habit.

Be brave.  Become willing to be a better you.  Get into the habit of being conscious.  Get into the habit of pausing and thinking.  Get into the habit of making your life work for you.  Get into the habit of making your life joyous.  Get into the habit of seeing and seeking the truth about yourself.  Once you start this you will find out that you are pretty interesting and exciting to know.

If you still need more help in changing a habit get it now here.

 Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 23, 2007 Posted by | assets, change, changing a habit, choice, education, how to succeed, self improvement, success | 3 Comments

“Self Esteem”

scan001322.jpg  Be careful what you wish for or ask for, you may get it.  Well I asked for comments and I got one that is a doozie. 

I got a question, “What is self esteem?”

What a question.  There have been times I have had discussions with my friends.  Eventually there would be a comment by one of them (never me) that “They do not have self esteem.”  I have learned when to keep my mouth shut so I never asked what they meant by the comment, “They do not have self esteem or they have low self esteem.”  The reason I kept my mouth shut was because I did not think they actually knew what that meant.

It seems to be one of those phrases that people like to say and that sounds good. 

So what do I think self esteem is?  For me it means accepting yourself.  So what does accepting yourself mean? 

Accepting yourself means you are in contact with yourself.  Here is a simple example.  I was taking a quiz with my daughter.  One of the questions was, “Do you touch people?”  I answered no.  My daughter said that was not true.  My answer to hear to her was to tap her and say, “No I don’t.” 

Then we laughed because I realized what she said was true and my answer was false.  But I really, truly did not know that.  I did not argue with her nor resist the truth.  I do touch people and I accepted that easily about myself. 

To me that is an example of self esteem.  Finding out about yourself and accepting what is true. 

Now just because something is true does not mean you can not change it if you choose.  However, I think if you want to pursue that path you will find your self esteem dwindling.  Why?  Because you are taking on a challenge you may or may not be able to accomplish.

Why not accept the fact that you will not be perfect?  Why not consider the idea that you have your assets and that is where you can excel?  Instead of changing what you are dissatisfied with why not review this?  You can get some insight and see if you can tame these traits.  Maybe make a slight adjustment.  Maybe just recognize that you do have these traits that you are not enthralled with. 

Instead of changing what you don’t like why not focus on what assets you have and develop them?  For me that would be a way to increase your self esteem.  Once you have an asset you can expand on it. 

I like the expression, “Good, better, best.  Make the good your better and make the better your best.”

To me self esteem means know what you have.  Work it to your advantage.  Appreciate it. 

Self esteem also means you know you have a choice how to act and behave.  You know you can always chose to be your personal best.  You know you can always choose the high road.  You also know that sometimes you will stumble.  Know yourself and accept that and pick yourself up and get back on your path. 

Review what you are displeased with.  Give it some thought.  Even if you feel it is taking over your life you can still focus on what you have and let that take over your life instead.  Why not take the path of least resistance?  Why not be a better you not a new revamped you? 

You do not have to believe me. Think back to when you tried to correct and change what you considered a defect or flaw.  How did that go?  How did it make you feel?  And how long did the correction last, if you actually got that far? 

Now think about when you started from a point of strength with an asset that you worked on.  The best example is to consider athletes.  They improve their performance.  They work on what they are strong at.  Of course they attempt to get past their weaknesses but any coach will tell you that the effort goes in where they are strong.  You put your effort where you will get the maximum results. 

The second part to self esteem is to accept others.  If you can not transform yourself why would you think you could transform someone else?  See people for what they are.  Imperfect just like you.  That creates a connection.  Look at people’s strengths instead of their weaknesses.  Connect with people on a level of acceptance not judgement. 

Self esteem also includes going with your instincts.  This is the intuitive way you connect with yourself and others.  If something does not feel right accept that. 

Self esteem and confidence seem to be intertwined.  They both come from the same place.  Know yourself, accept yourself, appreciate yourself, and focus on your assets.  Use the same definition when you are interacting with other people. 

Make a connection with yourself and others.  Respect what is true.  Keep an open mind.  Act responsibly.  If you can live your life in this fashion you will experience self esteem.  Also remember you are imperfect so at times you will not be in this state of grace.  That is fine as long as you are aware of this and get back to striving for this. 

This is what “self esteem” means to me.  I would love to hear what you think.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 22, 2007 Posted by | change, choice, competence, confidence, decision, self esteem, self improvement, shortcomings, success | 7 Comments

Success

scan001321.jpg  I found some varied quotes on success.  Many people are quoted here from all walks of life.  Take a look at these quotes and see if they challenge, clarify or change your idea of success.
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The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.
     –Vince Lambardi

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Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.
     -Abraham Lincoln

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What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
     –Albert Pike

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The secret of joy in work is contained in one word — excellence.  To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.
     -Pearl S. Buck

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Successful: coming about, taking place or turning out as hoped for.
     -Webster’s

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Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
     -Winston Churchill

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Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
     – General George Patton

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It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.
     – Seneca

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The entrepreneur is essentially a visualizer and actualizer… He can visualize something, and when he visualizes it he sees exactly how to make it happen.
     – Robert L. Schwartz

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According to aerodynamic laws,  the bumblebee cannot fly.  Its body weight is not the right proportion to its wingspan.  Ignoring these laws, the bee flies anyway.
     – M. Sainte-Lague

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Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
     – Helen Keller

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You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.
     – Henry Ford

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Hard work spotlights the character of people:  some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.
     – Sam Ewig

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The art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of our great men.
     – Captain J.A. Hatfield

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Success will not lower its standard to us.  We must raise our standard to success.
     – Rev. Randall R. McBride, Jr.

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It’s never too late to be who you might have been.
     – George Elliot

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Talk does not cook rice.
     – Chinese Proverb

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Rule your mind or it will rule you.
     – Horace

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It is when the well is dry that we know the price of water.
     – Ben Franklin

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Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.
     – George Halas

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Attach yourself to your passion, but not to your pain.  Adversity is your best friend on the path to success.
     – unknown

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A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.
     – Sidney Greenberg

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As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.
     – Paul Shane Spear

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To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no else has seen.
     – unknown

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A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.
     – Richard Nixon

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Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.
     – Colin Powell

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I am more afraid of an army of 100 sheep led by a lion than an army of 100 lions led by a sheep.
     – Talleyrand

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The mind is like a parachute – it works only when it is open.
     – Unknown

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Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.
     – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I can not do everything, but I can do something.  I must not fail to do the something that I can do.
     – Helen Keller

Try not to be a man of success, but rather to be a man of value.
     – Albert Einstein

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Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
     – Norman R. Augustine

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Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can.
     – Henry Drummond

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They may forget what you said, but they will never forget  how you make them feel.
     – Carol Buchner

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Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
     – Norman R. Augustine

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Footprints on the sands of time are not made by sitting down.
     – unknown

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Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength.
     – Henry Ward Beecher

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A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.
     – Arthur Golden

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Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
     – Samuel Johnson

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Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
     – Theodore Roosevelt

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Prosperity doth best discover vice, but adversity doth best discover virtue.
     – Francis Bacon

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The world can only be grasped by action, not by contemplation…The hand is the cutting edge of the mind.
     – Jacob Bronowski

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It is time for us to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever, the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it.
     – Vince Lombardi

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One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.
     – Marie Currie

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Any coward can fight a battle when he’s sure of winning; but give me the man who has the pluck to fight when he’s sure of losing.
     – George Eliot

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Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
     – Thomas Edison

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A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.
     – John C. Maxwell

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The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.
     – William James

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.               
     – Henry Ford

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After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.
     – Italian Proverb

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Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
     – Abraham Lincoln

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What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?
     – Robert Schuller

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We never know how far reaching something we may think, say or do today will affect the lives of millions tomorrow.
     – B.J. Palmer

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The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
     – Confucius

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What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside you.
     – Wayne Dyer

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Empowerment is all about letting go so that others can get going.
     – Kenneth Blanchard

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Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.
      – Malcolm Forbes

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Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
     – Cherie Carter-Scott

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Not every successful man is a good father.  But every good father is a successful man.
     – R. Duvall

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I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.
     – Mario Cuomo

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The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal.  The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
     – Benjamin Mays

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Victory belongs to the most persevering.
     – Napoleon

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If you are to be, you must begin by assuming responsibility.  You alone are responsible for every moment of your life, for every one of your acts.
     – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, tenacity.  We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way.  We can never let up.
     – Ralph Bunche

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I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.
     – Christopher Reeve

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Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
     – Anonymous

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The real contest is always between what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing.  You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else.
     – Geoffrey Gaberino

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Success is never final. Failure is never fatal.  Courage is what counts.
     –Sir Winston Churchill

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Visit here to succeed.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 21, 2007 Posted by | assets, choice, competence, confidence, how to succeed, self improvement, success | 4 Comments

What do Other People Say About You

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Do you wonder what other people say about you?  Do you wonder what other people think about you?  Do you really want to know?

This is a common compulsion.  I call it a compulsion because no good will really come from it.  It is one of those deceptive questions that can occupy your mind.  It is one of those questions that does not need to asked.  The real question you should be asking is, “What do you think about yourself?”

Suppose you could find out what someone is saying about you.  Maybe it is complimentary.  That will probably make you feel happy for a minute.  It will not impact your life.  It will not be earth shattering. 

Suppose someone said some negative things about you.  That will probably get a more intense reaction.  You will probably want to correct them.  You will want to defend yourself.  You will have a judgement about how wrong and ignorant the other person is.  You may feel hurt, angry, insulted.  You may even agree with them and get down on yourself.  It could alter your relationship with them and others.  And they could be off base.

Should someone’s perception and opinion of you matter?  I would say the answer to that would depend on how you react to this information.  If you can step a back and look at it objectively then perhaps you can get some insight.  If you are going to react and freak out then better you do not know.  There will be no value to you hearing this info.  It will put you on an emotional roller coaster.

So what do you say about yourself?  What do you think about yourself?  This is a deep question.  Perhaps you have pondered it.  Perhaps you have conditioned yourself to think poorly about yourself.  Perhaps you are riddled with negativity.  Perhaps you do not measure up to your own standards. 

Is your perception and opinion accurate?  Most likely not yet you live your life as it it were true.  Can you be objective about yourself?  Probably not. 

So how do you get in touch with yourself, the real you? 

The first way is to add some positive feedback to your conversations with yourself.  If you can do that it will open a door to seeing yourself differently.

You need to start to weed out the untruths.  These are things that you automatically think about yourself.  An automatic thought is an unexamined thought.  They can be positive or negative thoughts.  Once they become automatic they are misleading thoughts. 

You need to re create the image you have of yourself.  Once you can examine the automatic thoughts you will start to see the image you have created of yourself.  You need to let go of that image and start to put a new one in its place. 

This new image will be one that is rich in complexities.  If you can define yourself in four words you are missing out on a big part of yourself. 

To learn more about this and to learn how to do this in minimal time please check this out.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 16, 2007 Posted by | assets, change, choice, confidence, knowledge, self improvement | 4 Comments

Online Marketers – Work Smart

scan001316.jpg   A long time ago I learned the expression,  “You can work hard or you can work smart.”  That expression appealed to me.  I am not opposed to working hard for what I want.  However, working hard can sometimes impede and slow down your path to success.  Sometimes you need to work smart not hard. 

The best way to put that statement in perspective is to think of the extreme.  Being lazy and working on and off is not the way to reach your goals in any quick amount of time.  You may get there but I doubt it.  You will probably loose interest along the way.  How long can you wait to reach your goal? 

Working on and off and being lazy probably means you are not goal oriented.  So it will be hit or miss for you.  Also you will have a difficult time reviewing where you are at, where you came from ,what you have accomplished and what still needs to be done.  If you need to change your path and plans it will also be hard to access that.  Lastly working on and off means you are lacking a plan and a formula.  You are really not into what you are doing.

Working hard will be involved on your path to success.  I know that for some people this is a turn off.  Sorry but I have to be truthful.  However, at some point you will be confronted with the choice to work hard or work smart. 

Working smart means you make a choice to do a task in an easier more efficient way. 

Here is an example.  You are going to write a report.  You spend time researching and writing that report.  You work hard.  You have someone review your report and they do not think it is on target.  You will have to re do most of the report. You are surprised and disappointed.  You worked hard on that report. But you did not work smart.

If you worked smart you would have taken some time to think about what you wanted to accomplish with the report.  You would have formulated what the point of the report is.  If you did that one step before writing you would be working smart.  The report would practically write itself because you know what you want to say.  And you would not need to re do the report. It would be done in on shot.

Another example is to use a product to automate what you are doing.   If you are going to do a repetitive task why do it over each time?  Why not get a system to do it for you?   Do it once and then it will be done for you over and over. 

Working smart also gives you added enthusiasm.  It allows you to increase your productivity.  It also allows you to increase your free time. The value to you is huge. 

Working smart means working less hours if you can streamline or automate a process.

Before you can work smart you need to find the areas where you can do this.  Can you hire someone to do some of these things?  That is working smart.  Can you purchase and use a product to help you work smart? 

Upon your review you will discover that there are many areas of your business as well as personal life where you can work smart instead of hard.

Online marketers you know exactly what I am talking about.  You spend many hours a day doing repetitive tasks.  You know your time could be better spent. You know you should be working smart.  You want to work smart. 

To get you on the path to working smart I have a software package  for you.  I have told you about the Marketing Maniac.  He may be a maniac but he knows how to work smart. 

WORK SMART

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 15, 2007 Posted by | home business, how to succeed, internet marketing, organizing your home businesss, self improvement, work at home, work at home business | 3 Comments

Great Quotes by the Great Buddha

scan001312.jpg   It’s Saturday.  Take a break and spend some time with yourself. 

Teachings of Gautam Buddha

On Judgmental People:
People with opinions just go around bothering each other.

On Anger:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

On Truth:
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

On Anger:
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.

On Work:
To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.

On Friends:
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
On Love:
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

On Envy:
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.

On Good Deeds:
Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.

On Thought:
The mind is everything. What you think you become.

On Gratitude:
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.

On Hatred:
Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS What is your favorite quote and why?  What does it mean to and for you?

May 12, 2007 Posted by | change, choice, knowledge, self improvement | 6 Comments

Honesty

scan001311.jpg   Am I too honest when I tell you that I have a great product that will help you?

Am I too honest when I tell you to buy that product? 

Can you be “too honest?”

I do not believe that you can be “too honest.”  You have to ask for what you  want.  You have to ask clearly and directly.

Is that being blunt? Perhaps but it is also being straightforward and clear.  If you beat around the bush then you can be misunderstood.   You can  be considered wishy washy, weak, meek, a pushover.  Which is worse?  To be misunderstood and be thought of as wishy washy, weak, meek, a pushover or to be understood and thought of as blunt, straightforward and clear?  I think you know the answer.  

Let’s be clear.  Asking for what you want is not insulting someone.  It is about you and your wants and needs.  Asking for what you want clearly and direclty is an affirmative statement. 

You may not get what you want but if you ask for it you will know where you stand.  It is always better to know where you stand.

If the place you are employed at has no intention in the near future of giving you what you want you can make an educated choice.  Stay or go.  You now have control of your life.  You now have the information to make a decision. 

If you are reticient then you are afraid of what you will find out.  Why?  The truth will not change because you do not seek it. 

So ask for what you want.  Be honest.  Be clear.  Be straightforward.

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 11, 2007 Posted by | assets, confidence, home business, self improvement, work, work at home, work at home business | 2 Comments

Get What You Want Out of Life

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Do you get what you want out of life?  I have been thinking about this a lot.  How do you get what you want out of life?  I have also been thinking about this a lot.

I have been observing people regarding this topic.  My final conclusion and observation is that you will and can not get what you want out of life is you make improper decisions/choices. 

Improper decisions/choices will affect you and there will be consequences.  When you make an improper decision/choice it can certainly look like the consequences were out of your control.  And they are once you make the wrong choice/decision. 

Here is an example of what I am talking.  Life is going good for you.  You are enjoying yourself.  Perhaps life was tough for a awhile so now you are relaxing and enjoying the peace, happiness and relaxation you are experiencing.  A decision/choice is coming up.  You are in the “happy things are good mode.”   You do not pay the proper attention to the upcoming decision.  Maybe you are careless.  Maybe you are in an upbeat mood.  Whatever the reason you slack off.  You do not put the thought and detail into the upcoming decision/choice. 

You decide or choose poorly.  Boom. Things happen that you do not want to happen.  All of a sudden your happy, gay mood is over.  You are now dealing with new issues and problems.  What happened? 

You made a mistake.  But you do not see it like that.  How you see it is you got screwed.  And maybe you did.  But could you have prevented it if you had made a different decision/choice.  Probably yes. 

Here is another example.  Your life is in the toilet.  You are up against the wall.  You have to do something.  You make your decision/choice out of desperation or the only thing you think can do.  Your choices are limited.  But how did it come to this?  How did you get to this point of desperation?  Probably from past decisions/choices that you made. 

Now you can see the harm and danger to you from improper decisions/choices. 

So how do you stop the cycle?  You protect yourself.  You find out all the information.  You ask questions.  You forget about looking silly by asking questions.  You ask away to protect yourself and get the information you need to make the best decisions/choices.  You do not make a decision/choice if you are not comfortable with it. 

You take your time in deciding/choosing.  You do not procrastinate.  You apply thought and care to your decision/choice. 

Once you make your decision/choice there is another step involved.  If the outcome does not turn out as you expected you have to take a step back.  You need to step back without emotion and negative judgement of yourself. 

Once you do this you review objectively.  Subjective review is not the way to go.  Objective review means you look at your decision/choice based on the facts and information you used. 

Was the information misleading?  Did you misinterpret the information?  Did you use the information and make your decision/choice counting on an outcome that the information did not actually support?  In other words were you hoping things would turn out the way you wanted them to? 

This can happen and the way to avoid it is to be objective.  Decide/choose based on only what you know to be true not what might happen.  By doing this you will narrow down your choices.

Did the information confuse you to the point that it was not helpful?  If this happens try to talk it over with someone.  Try to clarify the information.  Sort the facts out.  Get to the bottom line.  Eliminate extraneous information.  Get clear on what will actually happen and what may happen.  If you are still uncertain consider the worst consequences possible based on the possible decisions/choices you can make.  Eliminate the decisions/choices with these dangerous consequences. Decide/choose the one with the least harmful consequences. 

Take responsibility for your decisions/choices.  Taking reponsibility means that “you made the decision/choice.”  Taking repsonsibility does not mean blaming yourself or someone else for the outcome.  Taking reponsibility means that you did what you did.  The decision/choice was yours. 

Once you do this you will notice that life becomes lighter and easier even if the outcome was not what you expected.  Once you take reponsibilty you know that you are in control of your life.  You know that when you made a decision/choice that turned out the way you expected it to you gain confidence.  You also know that when the decision/choice did not turn out the way you expected you have the confidence to go from there. 

As long as you acknowledge and recognize your input you can learn and change from it.  You must own your decisions/choices.  They must be yours and come from you.

Perhaps you made the best decision/choice and it still did not turn out how you wanted.  Let it go.  You can not predict the future.  See if there were past decisions/choices that got you to this place.  See how you can avoid, in the future, getting to a place where even the best decision/choice will not turn out the way you want. 

Decision/choices lead to more decisions/choices.  The best way to break the cycle of harmful decisions/ choices is to start now.  Clean up what happened in the past and start fresh now. 

Your clean up will be messy.  That is to be expected.  Once you get that tackled and you can start on your new mind set you will notice that there will be less and less clean up. 

You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will protect you.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will benefit you.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will help you gain confidence.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will help you take responsibility for your life.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will get you what you want in life. 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 10, 2007 Posted by | choice, competence, confidence, decision, how to succeed, knowledge, self improvement, success | Leave a comment

Internet Marketing Mania Hits the Internet

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Why am I still on this topic??? Because sometimes my job here is to make sure you succeed. I know I can’t make you successful. But I can introduce you to tips, ideas, techniques and products that can help you succeed.

Internet Marketing Mania is a must have to get you going, to get you on the path to success.

Why haven’t you checked it out?

  • You don’t trust me. OK so don’t trust me (although I am a little disheartened by this, if it is true). Check it out for yourself. It is a software package. You can read what it does. It is a tangible product. It is not a method. It is not a concept. It is a real actual product that you can use.
  • You don’t need it. Sorry but this is a misconception on your part. You do need it.
  • Too expensive. Time is money. Save time, save money.  And You won’t believe the price It’s that inexpensive.
  • Can’t afford it. You can’t be  serious about Internet marketing.
  • Thinking about it. OK think and think but what are you waiting for? Either you realize you need it and get it or you are not serious about Internet marketing. Sorry to be a broken record but the truth is the truth.

You already got it. Smart person.

Internet Marketing Mania is the future. Click here to see what you must have now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 8, 2007 Posted by | home business, how to succeed, internet marketing, self improvement, success, work at home, work at home business | 3 Comments