The Self Improvement Toolshop

tools to make you a better you

What do Other People Say About You

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Do you wonder what other people say about you?  Do you wonder what other people think about you?  Do you really want to know?

This is a common compulsion.  I call it a compulsion because no good will really come from it.  It is one of those deceptive questions that can occupy your mind.  It is one of those questions that does not need to asked.  The real question you should be asking is, “What do you think about yourself?”

Suppose you could find out what someone is saying about you.  Maybe it is complimentary.  That will probably make you feel happy for a minute.  It will not impact your life.  It will not be earth shattering. 

Suppose someone said some negative things about you.  That will probably get a more intense reaction.  You will probably want to correct them.  You will want to defend yourself.  You will have a judgement about how wrong and ignorant the other person is.  You may feel hurt, angry, insulted.  You may even agree with them and get down on yourself.  It could alter your relationship with them and others.  And they could be off base.

Should someone’s perception and opinion of you matter?  I would say the answer to that would depend on how you react to this information.  If you can step a back and look at it objectively then perhaps you can get some insight.  If you are going to react and freak out then better you do not know.  There will be no value to you hearing this info.  It will put you on an emotional roller coaster.

So what do you say about yourself?  What do you think about yourself?  This is a deep question.  Perhaps you have pondered it.  Perhaps you have conditioned yourself to think poorly about yourself.  Perhaps you are riddled with negativity.  Perhaps you do not measure up to your own standards. 

Is your perception and opinion accurate?  Most likely not yet you live your life as it it were true.  Can you be objective about yourself?  Probably not. 

So how do you get in touch with yourself, the real you? 

The first way is to add some positive feedback to your conversations with yourself.  If you can do that it will open a door to seeing yourself differently.

You need to start to weed out the untruths.  These are things that you automatically think about yourself.  An automatic thought is an unexamined thought.  They can be positive or negative thoughts.  Once they become automatic they are misleading thoughts. 

You need to re create the image you have of yourself.  Once you can examine the automatic thoughts you will start to see the image you have created of yourself.  You need to let go of that image and start to put a new one in its place. 

This new image will be one that is rich in complexities.  If you can define yourself in four words you are missing out on a big part of yourself. 

To learn more about this and to learn how to do this in minimal time please check this out.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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May 16, 2007 Posted by | assets, change, choice, confidence, knowledge, self improvement | 4 Comments

Great Quotes by the Great Buddha

scan001312.jpg   It’s Saturday.  Take a break and spend some time with yourself. 

Teachings of Gautam Buddha

On Judgmental People:
People with opinions just go around bothering each other.

On Anger:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

On Truth:
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

On Anger:
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.

On Work:
To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.

On Friends:
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
On Love:
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

On Envy:
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.

On Good Deeds:
Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.

On Thought:
The mind is everything. What you think you become.

On Gratitude:
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.

On Hatred:
Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS What is your favorite quote and why?  What does it mean to and for you?

May 12, 2007 Posted by | change, choice, knowledge, self improvement | 6 Comments

Get What You Want Out of Life

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Do you get what you want out of life?  I have been thinking about this a lot.  How do you get what you want out of life?  I have also been thinking about this a lot.

I have been observing people regarding this topic.  My final conclusion and observation is that you will and can not get what you want out of life is you make improper decisions/choices. 

Improper decisions/choices will affect you and there will be consequences.  When you make an improper decision/choice it can certainly look like the consequences were out of your control.  And they are once you make the wrong choice/decision. 

Here is an example of what I am talking.  Life is going good for you.  You are enjoying yourself.  Perhaps life was tough for a awhile so now you are relaxing and enjoying the peace, happiness and relaxation you are experiencing.  A decision/choice is coming up.  You are in the “happy things are good mode.”   You do not pay the proper attention to the upcoming decision.  Maybe you are careless.  Maybe you are in an upbeat mood.  Whatever the reason you slack off.  You do not put the thought and detail into the upcoming decision/choice. 

You decide or choose poorly.  Boom. Things happen that you do not want to happen.  All of a sudden your happy, gay mood is over.  You are now dealing with new issues and problems.  What happened? 

You made a mistake.  But you do not see it like that.  How you see it is you got screwed.  And maybe you did.  But could you have prevented it if you had made a different decision/choice.  Probably yes. 

Here is another example.  Your life is in the toilet.  You are up against the wall.  You have to do something.  You make your decision/choice out of desperation or the only thing you think can do.  Your choices are limited.  But how did it come to this?  How did you get to this point of desperation?  Probably from past decisions/choices that you made. 

Now you can see the harm and danger to you from improper decisions/choices. 

So how do you stop the cycle?  You protect yourself.  You find out all the information.  You ask questions.  You forget about looking silly by asking questions.  You ask away to protect yourself and get the information you need to make the best decisions/choices.  You do not make a decision/choice if you are not comfortable with it. 

You take your time in deciding/choosing.  You do not procrastinate.  You apply thought and care to your decision/choice. 

Once you make your decision/choice there is another step involved.  If the outcome does not turn out as you expected you have to take a step back.  You need to step back without emotion and negative judgement of yourself. 

Once you do this you review objectively.  Subjective review is not the way to go.  Objective review means you look at your decision/choice based on the facts and information you used. 

Was the information misleading?  Did you misinterpret the information?  Did you use the information and make your decision/choice counting on an outcome that the information did not actually support?  In other words were you hoping things would turn out the way you wanted them to? 

This can happen and the way to avoid it is to be objective.  Decide/choose based on only what you know to be true not what might happen.  By doing this you will narrow down your choices.

Did the information confuse you to the point that it was not helpful?  If this happens try to talk it over with someone.  Try to clarify the information.  Sort the facts out.  Get to the bottom line.  Eliminate extraneous information.  Get clear on what will actually happen and what may happen.  If you are still uncertain consider the worst consequences possible based on the possible decisions/choices you can make.  Eliminate the decisions/choices with these dangerous consequences. Decide/choose the one with the least harmful consequences. 

Take responsibility for your decisions/choices.  Taking reponsibility means that “you made the decision/choice.”  Taking repsonsibility does not mean blaming yourself or someone else for the outcome.  Taking reponsibility means that you did what you did.  The decision/choice was yours. 

Once you do this you will notice that life becomes lighter and easier even if the outcome was not what you expected.  Once you take reponsibilty you know that you are in control of your life.  You know that when you made a decision/choice that turned out the way you expected it to you gain confidence.  You also know that when the decision/choice did not turn out the way you expected you have the confidence to go from there. 

As long as you acknowledge and recognize your input you can learn and change from it.  You must own your decisions/choices.  They must be yours and come from you.

Perhaps you made the best decision/choice and it still did not turn out how you wanted.  Let it go.  You can not predict the future.  See if there were past decisions/choices that got you to this place.  See how you can avoid, in the future, getting to a place where even the best decision/choice will not turn out the way you want. 

Decision/choices lead to more decisions/choices.  The best way to break the cycle of harmful decisions/ choices is to start now.  Clean up what happened in the past and start fresh now. 

Your clean up will be messy.  That is to be expected.  Once you get that tackled and you can start on your new mind set you will notice that there will be less and less clean up. 

You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will protect you.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will benefit you.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will help you gain confidence.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will help you take responsibility for your life.  You will be teaching yourself how to decide/choose in a way that will get you what you want in life. 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 10, 2007 Posted by | choice, competence, confidence, decision, how to succeed, knowledge, self improvement, success | Leave a comment

Dream Job – Don’t Get Scammed

scan00132.jpg  Can you work from home?  Can you find that right home based business/job?  Yes you can.  And you will need to take your search and research seriously.  It will be work to find your dream job. 

Anyone that is turned off should stop reading now.  If the idea of work and research is a downer to you then you are not ready to be your own boss.  Ground work  is essential to finding a home based business/job.  You need to know what you are getting into so you can deal with it and succeed. 

If you want it to be easy then this post is not for you.  Easy and finding the right work at home business/job are not complementary.  That does not mean it will be so difficult to find the correct work at home business/job that you will be in extreme stress and distress.  I just don’t want the slackers.

I want the dedicated and the people that are serious.  Now that the slackers have left the room let’s get started.

You want a home based business/job.  You want your dream home based business/job.  You do not want to get scammed by all the dream houses, dream cars and tons of cash that is dangled in front of by the ones that know the answer. 

Don’t get scammed!!!!

You just want the straight facts.  No one makes money simply by joining a website or MLM.  You have to work the program.  But how about starting out with a program you can and will work. 

That is where this report will be of value to you.  If you learn the ins and outs of finding your dream business/job you will be ahead of the game. 

Read the report and set yourself up to succeed.  Get the facts.  Get the information that can help you make the choice that is right for you. 

The report is concise, clear and easy to read and follow.  The report is your foundation.  The report will give you the key to get started.

Help Wanted

Serious people who are sick and tired of working for others.  Serious people who are sick and tired of taking orders from others.  Serious people who want a better, more satisfying, stimulating career.  Serious people who want to enjoy their work.  Serious people who want to be in charge of their own lives.  Apply here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

May 3, 2007 Posted by | being the boss, change, choice, home business, how to succeed, knowledge, work at home, work at home business | 11 Comments

Time is Up, Time is Now

scan0013.jpg        So did you get the free report?  If not go back to my post “FREE SPECIAL REPORT” to find out how to get the $97.00 report for free.   What did you think?

Were you one of the ones that passed it up?  Why.  A little knowledge and info can not hurt you.  Might as well get it and read it at your leisure.  The free report may show you how to have more leisure. 

Are you procrastinating?  Why? Because it is in your nature? 

Isn’t it time you turned over  a new leaf?  Isn’t it time you got started?  Do I sound harsh?  I am not.  I am just giving you a little push.  i can only give you one push.  The rest is up to you.  I can try to be your cheer leader but I think you are beyond that. 

What you need now is to be the person you imagine yourself to be.  Envy what a drag.  Why envy when you can be and have what you envy. 

Excuses.  I have said them and heard them.  Feeling sorry for yourself.  I have but…… I end it.  I devote a few minutes to feel sorry for myself and then I get going.  Here I am going writing… just for you. 

I won’t ask you to do anything for me.  Do it for yourself.  If it helps do it for your loved ones. 

You have the chance to change tomorrow.  The chance is now.

 Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS Drop me a comment.  I know you have something to say.

May 2, 2007 Posted by | how to succeed, knowledge, procrastination, self improvement, work at home, work at home business | Leave a comment

Organizing Your To Do List

Organizing Your to do List

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Each day you need to prepare your daily to do list for your work at home business.  At the end of your day you should review your daily to do list.  When you do this you will notice that there are some tasks that you did not complete.  You will probably carry these over to the next day.  After a few days you will notice that there are certain tasks that you have not completed.  You have carried these tasks over for a few days and they are still incomplete, or untouched. 

This carry over of to do tasks can have two outcomes.  The first one is excellent.

FIRST OUTCOME

Now you have learned something about how to organize and prioritize your to do list and your day.  You have noticed that the to do tasks that you carry over are probably not important nor urgent.  They were not completed and things turned out fine.  They were not completed and things are still moving along.  You are succeeding at your work at home business.  This is exactly how you prioritize your list.  This is exactly how you learn what you must do and what you thought you had to do.

SECOND OUTCOME

Now you have learned something about how to organize and prioritize your to do list and your day.  You have noticed that the to do things that you carry over are probably VERY important and or urgent.  You have learned that you avoided doing the important things.  You have learned that doing the important things make you feel uncomfortable, queasy, and nervous.   You have learned that you procrastinated doing the important things.  Don’t worry and stress out over this.  You will conquer this and get back on to the path to work at home success. 

Here is the solution.  DO THE THINGS YOU AVOID FIRST EACH DAY.  Jot down some ideas on how to approach these tasks.  Mull over these ideas.  Practice and rehearse how you will approach these tasks.  Then do them.  Don’t worry if you feel uncomfortable, queasy and nervous doing these tasks.  Each time you do a task that is uncomfortable you will get better and better at it.  You will be back on your path to success at your work at home business.

Please leave a comment.  Let me know what you would like to hear about. 

Thanks, Marcia Your Confidence Coach

http://www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

January 30, 2007 Posted by | choice, confidence, home business, knowledge, organizing your home businesss, self improvement, to do list, work, work at home, work at home business | Leave a comment

What is Confidence?

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So what is Confidence?  There are multiple definitions of confidence.  This is what the dictionary has to say on the definition of confidence. 

belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.

certitude; assurance: He described the situation with such confidence that the audience believed him completely.

Clearly confidence is something inside of us.  Confidence is something you want. Confidence is something you may feel you lack.  However, it is false thinking to believe you have confidence or you do not.  Having confidence is not a black and white issue.  It is actually a complex trait.  

If you think back you will see that there were many times when you acted with confidence.  You may not have felt confident but you acted with confidence. The next thing I want to tell you will surprise you.  It is a simple statement.  Feelings are not facts. This is a concept you need to learn and repeat over and over. Think about that for a few seconds.  You may have felt you lacked confidence in a situation yet you acted in a confident manner.  Feelings are not facts. 

I have just provided you with a piece of knowledge.  Knowledge is important.  Knowledge relates to confidence.  You are confident when you know what you are talking about.  If you have knowledge you can make choices that will benefit you.  With knowledge you can make confident choices. 

The link below will give you knowledge if you are interested in having a home business.  With that knowledge you can make an educated decision if having a home business is right for you. When you educate yourself and gain knowledge you can make the right choice.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

www.selfimprovementtoolshop.com

January 28, 2007 Posted by | knowledge, self improvement | Leave a comment