Well I got tagged again. The good thing is that the question is something that I know you will want to read about. It is a question about habits. We all have them. We are usually not that conscious of them until they hit us in the face. So here is the question and subject provided by Dave.
“if you wanted to improve your life by changing a habit – how would you set about it?”
Another question that taxes my brain.
What habit do you want to change? Do you think that the change will improve your life?
First you must identify one habit. Next you must decide how important it is to change that habit. This is not as easy as it sounds. You must give this one thought because you have probably lived with this habit for most of your life. You may have cursed this habit yet there it is popping up just when you do not want to deal with it.
You may even be comfortable with this habit in as much as you dislike it. If you are choosing one you have been unable to get rid of after many attempts then pick another one. The one you can not control has become too embedded in your life to tackle at this point. Try to pick one that is newer and that you have not tackled.
Getting rid of a habit is tough. It is a struggle. My personal technique to change a habit may sound odd but I know it works. I have used this technique and I am amazed at the results I got. I know other people have also used this technique and it worked for them also.
The approach involves analysis. The approach involves really looking at this habit and becoming and being aware of it. Most habits are unconscious. You just engage in them without much thought. They are automatic.
You can change/eradicate a habit that is so automatic that you can barely control yourself. The reason you can barely control yourself is because this is the only way you know how to react. You can rack your brain for a new reaction but none come. You are stuck.
That is another tip/insight about habits. You are stuck with your habit. You feel justified in reacting a certain way. This is a habit you are stuck with. So how do you get unstuck?
Back to analysis. First review what benefit this habit gives you. Yes, habits you do not like have a secret benefit. The benefit is not really a benefit but you see it as one in your warped thinking process. Maybe you feel right about and with this habit. Feeling right and justified is a strong motivator for a habit.
Here comes the example. My friend, Julia has a husband that she is not too enchanted with. The habit she is stuck in is sizing up her husband. A habit does originate with a thought.
Of course he does not size up well. Due to this repeated habit/thought she really can not see her husband in any light other than “bummy.” Why? Because she feels she is right and justified in her thinking. Of course there is probably some truth in her thinking but most of it is false, stuck thinking.
Why? Just because he was “bummy” at one time or in an area does not mean he is totally “bummy” and still being “bummy” But Julia can not see this because she got into the habit of seeing her husband as “bummy.” That is it.
Any time we discuss this she is closed minded. She can not break the habit of seeing her husband as “bummy.” Any time he does something Julia does not like her habit of seeing her husband as “bummy” is reinforced. She is actually reinforcing her habit. She would rather be right than open minded.
She is now in dire need of reinforcement from herself to feel right about the habit of viewing her husband as “bummy.”
She is stuck. Without opening her mind she will be like this for life. This will be a lifelong habit. This could be you.
This is why it is important to analyze the habit you have chosen. Julia gets a big secret benefit form this habit. She is right, she is good and she is better than her husband. The joke is how much better is she if she is comparing herself to a “bum?'” She has probably never thought about that. She is not conscious and she is on automatic. She is acting out of habit.
Suppose Julia got conscious, aware and she analyzed this habit. She would realize that her husband is not “bummy” 24/7. Once that happens she may review any time she resorts back to thinking her husband is “bummy” . She will stop herself and ask, “Is this really an indication of “bummy”?” Next she will begin to think she is overreacting. Yes we do overact to habits. That also reinforces them.
Once she has decided that she is overreacting she may go back and think about other times she may have overreacted. Then comes the concept of giving up this automatic thinking. This is the action and concept of pausing and thinking before she reacts. Now she is on the path to breaking this habit.
Pausing and thinking before reacting. What a novel thought. Yet we all do it and do not even think about it much. Pausing and thinking can also be a habit. One you want to keep and do more of. When we pause and think we are conscious. We are sane. When we react we are not sane.
So now Julia is joining the conscious and sane. She is aware. She is pausing and thinking. She is no longer reacting. Major progress.
From this point on it is easy to control the habit. You understand the habit. You know you do it. You stop reinforcing it. You become enlightened. You become aware of yourself and your automatic thought process that leads you to jump to conclusions. You are freeing yourself from a habit that does not benefit you except in a convoluted way. You are sane.
I know this is not the “traditional” method for changing/breaking a habit. I also know that you have probably tried a number of techniques to break/change a habit.
I use the word break because I know that word is appealing. Yet the truth is you do not break or eradicate a habit. You replace it with one that is helpful and beneficial. You get into a new habit that serves you. If you view your self improvement this way you will find it easier to change/replace a habit.
Be brave. Become willing to be a better you. Get into the habit of being conscious. Get into the habit of pausing and thinking. Get into the habit of making your life work for you. Get into the habit of making your life joyous. Get into the habit of seeing and seeking the truth about yourself. Once you start this you will find out that you are pretty interesting and exciting to know.
If you still need more help in changing a habit get it now here.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
I got a question, “What is self esteem?”
What a question. There have been times I have had discussions with my friends. Eventually there would be a comment by one of them (never me) that “They do not have self esteem.” I have learned when to keep my mouth shut so I never asked what they meant by the comment, “They do not have self esteem or they have low self esteem.” The reason I kept my mouth shut was because I did not think they actually knew what that meant.
It seems to be one of those phrases that people like to say and that sounds good.
So what do I think self esteem is? For me it means accepting yourself. So what does accepting yourself mean?
Accepting yourself means you are in contact with yourself. Here is a simple example. I was taking a quiz with my daughter. One of the questions was, “Do you touch people?” I answered no. My daughter said that was not true. My answer to hear to her was to tap her and say, “No I don’t.”
Then we laughed because I realized what she said was true and my answer was false. But I really, truly did not know that. I did not argue with her nor resist the truth. I do touch people and I accepted that easily about myself.
To me that is an example of self esteem. Finding out about yourself and accepting what is true.
Now just because something is true does not mean you can not change it if you choose. However, I think if you want to pursue that path you will find your self esteem dwindling. Why? Because you are taking on a challenge you may or may not be able to accomplish.
Why not accept the fact that you will not be perfect? Why not consider the idea that you have your assets and that is where you can excel? Instead of changing what you are dissatisfied with why not review this? You can get some insight and see if you can tame these traits. Maybe make a slight adjustment. Maybe just recognize that you do have these traits that you are not enthralled with.
Instead of changing what you don’t like why not focus on what assets you have and develop them? For me that would be a way to increase your self esteem. Once you have an asset you can expand on it.
I like the expression, “Good, better, best. Make the good your better and make the better your best.”
To me self esteem means know what you have. Work it to your advantage. Appreciate it.
Self esteem also means you know you have a choice how to act and behave. You know you can always chose to be your personal best. You know you can always choose the high road. You also know that sometimes you will stumble. Know yourself and accept that and pick yourself up and get back on your path.
Review what you are displeased with. Give it some thought. Even if you feel it is taking over your life you can still focus on what you have and let that take over your life instead. Why not take the path of least resistance? Why not be a better you not a new revamped you?
You do not have to believe me. Think back to when you tried to correct and change what you considered a defect or flaw. How did that go? How did it make you feel? And how long did the correction last, if you actually got that far?
Now think about when you started from a point of strength with an asset that you worked on. The best example is to consider athletes. They improve their performance. They work on what they are strong at. Of course they attempt to get past their weaknesses but any coach will tell you that the effort goes in where they are strong. You put your effort where you will get the maximum results.
The second part to self esteem is to accept others. If you can not transform yourself why would you think you could transform someone else? See people for what they are. Imperfect just like you. That creates a connection. Look at people’s strengths instead of their weaknesses. Connect with people on a level of acceptance not judgement.
Self esteem also includes going with your instincts. This is the intuitive way you connect with yourself and others. If something does not feel right accept that.
Self esteem and confidence seem to be intertwined. They both come from the same place. Know yourself, accept yourself, appreciate yourself, and focus on your assets. Use the same definition when you are interacting with other people.
Make a connection with yourself and others. Respect what is true. Keep an open mind. Act responsibly. If you can live your life in this fashion you will experience self esteem. Also remember you are imperfect so at times you will not be in this state of grace. That is fine as long as you are aware of this and get back to striving for this.
This is what “self esteem” means to me. I would love to hear what you think.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Do you wonder what other people say about you? Do you wonder what other people think about you? Do you really want to know?
This is a common compulsion. I call it a compulsion because no good will really come from it. It is one of those deceptive questions that can occupy your mind. It is one of those questions that does not need to asked. The real question you should be asking is, “What do you think about yourself?”
Suppose you could find out what someone is saying about you. Maybe it is complimentary. That will probably make you feel happy for a minute. It will not impact your life. It will not be earth shattering.
Suppose someone said some negative things about you. That will probably get a more intense reaction. You will probably want to correct them. You will want to defend yourself. You will have a judgement about how wrong and ignorant the other person is. You may feel hurt, angry, insulted. You may even agree with them and get down on yourself. It could alter your relationship with them and others. And they could be off base.
Should someone’s perception and opinion of you matter? I would say the answer to that would depend on how you react to this information. If you can step a back and look at it objectively then perhaps you can get some insight. If you are going to react and freak out then better you do not know. There will be no value to you hearing this info. It will put you on an emotional roller coaster.
So what do you say about yourself? What do you think about yourself? This is a deep question. Perhaps you have pondered it. Perhaps you have conditioned yourself to think poorly about yourself. Perhaps you are riddled with negativity. Perhaps you do not measure up to your own standards.
Is your perception and opinion accurate? Most likely not yet you live your life as it it were true. Can you be objective about yourself? Probably not.
So how do you get in touch with yourself, the real you?
The first way is to add some positive feedback to your conversations with yourself. If you can do that it will open a door to seeing yourself differently.
You need to start to weed out the untruths. These are things that you automatically think about yourself. An automatic thought is an unexamined thought. They can be positive or negative thoughts. Once they become automatic they are misleading thoughts.
You need to re create the image you have of yourself. Once you can examine the automatic thoughts you will start to see the image you have created of yourself. You need to let go of that image and start to put a new one in its place.
This new image will be one that is rich in complexities. If you can define yourself in four words you are missing out on a big part of yourself.
To learn more about this and to learn how to do this in minimal time please check this out.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Teachings of Gautam Buddha
On Judgmental People:
People with opinions just go around bothering each other.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.
To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.
On Good Deeds:
Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.
The mind is everything. What you think you become.
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.
Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
PS What is your favorite quote and why? What does it mean to and for you?
Anyone that is turned off should stop reading now. If the idea of work and research is a downer to you then you are not ready to be your own boss. Ground work is essential to finding a home based business/job. You need to know what you are getting into so you can deal with it and succeed.
If you want it to be easy then this post is not for you. Easy and finding the right work at home business/job are not complementary. That does not mean it will be so difficult to find the correct work at home business/job that you will be in extreme stress and distress. I just don’t want the slackers.
I want the dedicated and the people that are serious. Now that the slackers have left the room let’s get started.
You want a home based business/job. You want your dream home based business/job. You do not want to get scammed by all the dream houses, dream cars and tons of cash that is dangled in front of by the ones that know the answer.
Don’t get scammed!!!!
You just want the straight facts. No one makes money simply by joining a website or MLM. You have to work the program. But how about starting out with a program you can and will work.
That is where this report will be of value to you. If you learn the ins and outs of finding your dream business/job you will be ahead of the game.
Read the report and set yourself up to succeed. Get the facts. Get the information that can help you make the choice that is right for you.
The report is concise, clear and easy to read and follow. The report is your foundation. The report will give you the key to get started.
Serious people who are sick and tired of working for others. Serious people who are sick and tired of taking orders from others. Serious people who want a better, more satisfying, stimulating career. Serious people who want to enjoy their work. Serious people who want to be in charge of their own lives. Apply here.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed today? I do sometimes. Once that happens things can go from bad to worse. The first little thing that upset your day may seem tiny compared to the next bigger things that occur. Then comes the downward spiral. Cursing, irritation, bad mood etc. Your day can be ruined in a matter of minutes.
Here is another scenerio. You wake up excited and happy or maybe just ok. Then you get side swiped. Bad news, bad stuff. Why??? Who knows? Who even cares anymore. All you care about is that the day is no longer going the way you wanted it to. Stress, anxiety, disappointment. You know the drill. You live the drill. You are resigned to the drill.
Here is where it gets scary. You expect the drill. STOP. You do not deserve the drill. You deserve better. You are a good person. You try.
Circumstances intercede. Maybe some of them could have been avoided if only you knew they were coming. If only you knew that what you said or did or did not say or do soemtime ago would come back to haunt you.
Let’s take a new approach. You are not a mind reader. You can not live your life analyzing every word and movement. Besides you probably do that to some degree. You probably did not tell off your boss although you wanted to . You knew better. You know a lot.
So let’s assume these things will happen from time to time. Let’s take a better approach to deal with these unforeseen things.
Are you with me? Or are you still back there hitting yourselffor not knowing that something you did or did not do is now biting you. Forget about it. It is done and over. You are here now feeling badly.
So what do you do with feeling badly? The answer is so simple you are going to be irate with me. Don’t get mad at me but here it is. You do something that makes you feel better. You accomplish something to give you a boost. You congratulate yourself on a success.
Why look at your disappointments when you can easily look at your successes? If you don’t like the scenery in your head change the view.
This all sounds good, right? But you are resisting. Too simple, not do able, silly. Maybe but do you want to try it or do you want to stay feeling bad?
You choose. I do. I choose to get out the muck and get into the scenery I enjoy.
Bad day, good day. It is your day. It is your life.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
Today I have something free for you. It is a report about working at home. This report is sold for $97.00 but I have a special way of letting you get it for free.
The good thing about working at home and a second income/business is that there is no commute, and no boss. You are the boss.
This report can give you financial freedom. It can definitely widen your options. The more choices you have the less you feel you are in a box with no way out.
Expand your horizons. Give yourself more choices and possibilities. Make your world bigger. Start to take a dream to a reality.
You know where you are in life. But where do you want to go? Can you get there doing what you are doing now? Think of all the time you spend wishing, hoping, dreaming, complaining, dealing. Take that effort and have it benefit you.
So here is the secret to get the report at no cost. Click on the gold key.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
I always like to find products and information that can help you become a better you. I particularly like products from people that accomplished something. Not people that were born well off and then proceeded to become more well off. That is not us. I know you are not swimming in wealth. I know you want to obtain more income and you are probably starting from scratch. That is why I would like you to read about John Harricharan. I never heard of him either. He is not a celeb just a person that changed his life. He had tragedy and sorrow and created a way of overcoming that. He has a technique that is a THREE MINUTE, THREE STEP daily plan. I know that sounds incredible but so is his life and what he overcame. If you are not interested in wealth but are interested in self improvement this will still be useful to you. Things do not have to be hard and complex. Things can be easy and work for you.
MEET JOHN HARRICHARAN
Outstanding businessman, lecturer and award-winning author, John Harricharan, is a unique blend of East and West. A naturalized U.S. citizen born in Guyana, South America of East Indian heritage, he is truly a multi-cultural, global personality. Yet, with his professional background, he also exhibits a rare sensitivity and charismatic delivery which have earned him well deserved respect and acclaim.
However, he was to know failure as well as success. The events that led to both are incorporated in his lectures and are chronicled in his books, which, rather than being stories of loss and sadness are, instead, inspiring tales of courage, strength and the dignity of the human spirit. He has shared the lecture platform with such well-known speakers as Deepak Chopra, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Og Mandino, Gerald Jampolsky, Foster Hibbard, Eric Butterworth, C. Everett Koop and others.
His transformational message stems from his challenging personal growth experiences. As Harricharan says, “I know what it feels like to have my car repossessed, to watch my wife die of cancer, to lose all earthly possessions and start again from ground zero. I also know what it feels like to write an award-winning book, to be written about in others’ books and to be featured in the same book with His Royal Highness, Prince Philip of Great Britain, the Dalai Lama and Paul and Linda McCartney. The contrasts bring compassion and sensitivity to one’s life.”
Bright, well-educated and professional in demeanor, John brings a welcome, pragmatic approach to his lectures, as an outstanding example where the message and the messenger are one.Not only does John share his personal tragedies; he shares the extraordinary tools he uses to overcome his challenges. He meets his audience filled with energy and enthusiasm. His approach is inspirational and motivational, contagiously so and always, always memorable.
Not only is Harricharan a dynamic speaker, but he also reveals himself to be an extraordinary, compelling author. His award-winning book, When You Can Walk on Water, Take the Boat was named ‘Best Book of the Year’ by the American Bookdealers Exchange. Its sequel, Morning Has Been All Night Coming has been drawing rave reviews. Both books are published in the U.S. and Canada by Berkley Books. In the U.K., Australia and New Zealand they are published by HarperCollins and are also availabIe in Spanish, French, Italian and Portuguese editions.
Harricharan graduated summa cum laude, with degrees in chemistry and an MBA from Rutgers University. He started his career with Fortune 500 corporations and worked his way into upper level executive positions. His corporate expertise encompasses areas as varied as Production Management, Research and Development and Marketing. He then proceeded, by blending his knowledge of the corporate world with his entrepreneurial talents, to build an extremely successful business with offices in the Caribbean, Europe, Africa and India. He finally switched from managing his company into what he really loves to do. So now he travels extensively, speaking at seminars and consulting for corporations, organizations and a private clientele worldwide. His extensive experience coupled with his knowledge of multi-cultural inter-relationships afford him the ability to relate to diverse cultures with respect and integrity.
Quotes by John Harricharan …
“The subconscious reacts very quickly to strong emotions or feelings. Whatever it is you vividly imagine, the subconscious thinks is actually happening. The subconscious, if instructed properly, is like a faithful, obedient servant who fulfills your every wish.” — John Harricharan“If you do not feel you deserve good things, subconsciously, you will do all within your power to punish yourself by not getting those good things. So the feeling of deserving is a very important thing”
— John Harricharan
“Fear cannot exist in the presence of faith. Fear only exists because you feel that you are not in control. Give up the need to be in control, take a leap in faith and fear will vanish as the mists in the morning sun.” — John Harricharan
Do check this out. Your life can be changed.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
What is your life about? Is this too heavy a question for a Monday morning? Would it be a downer for a Friday, Saturday or Sunday?
Basically you only have Tuesday through Thursday to consider this question. Tuesday through Thursday is hectic for you. You are involved with other things. Yes, you have a life but are you really in it? Is your life controlling you? Do you spend your life putting it off doing “what you have to” not “what you want to? ” Do you even know what you “want to?”
I know these questions are probably stirring up something immediate and emotional for you. I know that at this moment there are thoughts swirling around your head. I bet this whole topic is a turn off for you. I bet your mind is working over time to void out this whole issue.
Who are your real companions? Stress, worry, anxiety, despair, depression, disappointment, sadness? Or do you have imaginary companions named “everything is fine” but I do not feel fine. ” How about “I am doing what I need to do and that is important” but I do not feel important?”
There a huge gap between what you are doing and how you feel? This gap has gotten to be so common that you may not notice it until…. it just hits you in the head again and again and again.
What can you do about this gap? You can fill it or take a different path. Whichever choice you make the result will be the same. The way you will choose will depend on your personality style. Don’t get hung up with the choice or the words. You need to address the gap. It will not go away.
As I write these posts I identify with everything I write. I also chuckle. I chuckle because I am not telling you anything you do not already know. All I am doing is putting a spot light on these issues. You probably avoid these issues but you can never really escape them. They live inside of you.
Stop living with “them.” Start living with yourself. Start living with your true, authentic self. Start having the life you were meant to have. You can do it. Become willing to do it now.
Take a tour of the choices you have to accomplish this.
Marcia, Your confidence Coach
What does this all mean?
Overheard at a here’s to your success (rah, rah) meeting
“He has self esteem but he lacks confidence.”
“She is working on self improvement. Why is she doing that when she already has confidence?”
“I want more self esteem.”
Pretty confusing. Does this make sense to you?
If you want confidence, self esteem and self improvement you have to know what these words mean……. for you. Other people’s definitions are not important. Your definition and meaning is what is important.
So do you really, truly, actually have a definition and meaning of these words for yourself? If you are now sitting here saying to yourself, “DO I?” then perhaps that is a clue that you just jumped on the bandwagon. You jumped on this bandwagon because it sounded good. You jumped on the bandwagon because you want your life to be better. You jumped on the bandwagon because YOU want to be better. But better how??? Better why??? Better where???
This is the root of your discontent and failing. Yes, you started your self improvement, self esteem, confidence campaign. It went nowhere. You worked hard. You studied, meditated, practiced and struggled. And you got nowhere except more frustrated, more depressed, more irritated, more discouraged.
So can this work for you? YES, YES, YES but……..first you have to know what this means for you and what you really want and why.
How do you get somewhere if you do not know why you want to go there? How do you get somewhere if you do not know how to get there?
Of course I can not answer these questions for you. You already know the answers. It is just that no one informed you that this is step one to a better you.
Start from the beginning. You have this week end to get going. Visit here and take a look at what you need.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach
- about me
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